Updated: Oct 13, 2019
Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don't stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just...start.
- Ijeoma Umebinyuo
When I went to India in February 2018 for my 200hr YTT it was like my soul awakened. There was the deepest connection to myself, to fellow like minded humans and to a city and culture that I never even knew was possible. My being changed on a cellular level and I experienced deep learning and remembering right down to my DNA.
You’re probably thinking, man what drugs was she taking haha, and I remember when I returned to home I went to an Indian music night and a beautiful soul I met said “ohh, you took the India drug”. For anyone that’s been there you may resonate with this feeling. It’s ineffable.
One of my soul sisters asked me recently why I’ve chosen Asia for my travels. I honestly didn’t know how to answer her. When I returned from India I just knew that Asia was where my heart was being called. Sure there are sights to see and loads of things I’d love to do, but they’re not really driving my decision.
I thought about this as I was meditating recently, what’s my intention for this trip? I’ve left a job I was in for over 12 years, a whole lot of safety and security and setting off with some rough plans and no return date – that scares the shit out of me.
That’s why I’m doing this! To face the fear, to get uncomfortable and remove all the limitations I've had placed on me.
I am following the calling of my heart. It is a pilgrimage of my own heart, remembering what it is I am here to do, here to experience and here to know.
I made the decision to go around Christmas time 2018 after my relationship ended. I no longer had an excuse not to do this so I set myself the end date to finish up work at 30 June (very convenient as an accountant) and travel for around 6 months. I put off any planning for months, in fact, I actually didn’t book a thing (apart from my 12 day stint in Hawaii) until the very end of April, after I returned from a shamantic immersion in Byron Bay.
Going into a weekend of ceremony, I was anxious about what i would discover. Those first 4 months of 2019 were possibly the hardest times of my life. Navigating a conscious uncoupling, moving back in with my parents, rediscovering myself all over again in a whole new light, it was a time diving deep within myself and putting in the work i'd spent the last 12 months doing to find deep healing and self love.
The fear was real. The doubt was real. Until I was gently told by my spirit guides that this in fact was what I needed to do next, I hadn’t had the guts to commit. But once I returned home from ceremony, I booked a one way ticket to Thailand and everything has flowed in divine timing since.
A 6 month trip has quickly turned into looking more like 12. I’m just listening to my heart and allowing it to guide me. There isn't anywhere else i need to be other than right here, right now.
Stay tuned for more of my journey as i continue travelling, learning and growing.